What I've Learned About Handling People During COVID-19
Let’s all remember that we follow this blog for the writing, not the photography skills.
I met our neighbors the other day, and it was strangely reminiscent of an apocalyptic romcom. In the midst of our confinement, my roommate and I started blaring music out the window and serenading strangers who walked by. This is typically appalling behavior, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and it was still only 8:30 PM. And besides, one song into this endeavor, the residents of the apartment across the street from ours opened their windows and started singing along. A handful of numbers later, a couple of men brought their guitars out to the sidewalk and joined in on the concert. When they left, we had a nice chat with our neighbors, projecting from window to window across the street, and discussing the generational impact of this virus.
I’ve learned a lot about people in the last few weeks, some good and some bad. Most of my newly minted and applicable knowledge makes me cry (because, to be honest, almost everything makes me cry these days), and some of it makes me wonder how I didn’t know it before. Here are my key takeaways:
Treat everyone like they’re hungover.
We all know the symptoms: sleepiness, headaches, nausea, the dire need to avoid lights and anyone who even remotely grates on your nerves. Unfortunately, these symptoms can manifest after long periods of nervousness or sadness–which, in the midst of our dear pandemic, means that everyone currently has an anxiety hangover. If it’s not an anxiety hangover, it’s a depression hangover. If it’s not a depression hangover, it’s a literal hangover. And if they don’t have one now, they will in a week. And if they don’t in a week, just give them another week. It’ll happen. Step lightly. Be delicate.
2. Even if we’re all on our best behavior, conflict is bound to happen.
And unfortunately, we won’t all be on our best behavior. So when the ugly sides of your favorite human beings start to pop up–the trauma-reactions, the deep-seated bad-habits–it’s important to sort carefully through what can and can’t be forgiven.
3. Always read written communication in a kind tone of voice.
My childhood is filled with classroom read-alouds where my peers and I sat on the floor in a circle and were urged to inhabit characters we read about. We were told to mimic the way we perceived their voices in our imaginations, down to the expressions we believed the characters had when they spoke. So I really do mean it when I say that it’s incredibly easy to interpret a sentence as simple as “Yeah,” for example, in all sorts of rude and nasty ways. This is especially true if the person you’re speaking to–a coworker, for instance–is someone you don’t know particularly well. But it’s just as easy to read the phrase enthusiastically, and to put the onus of understanding on you, the receiver of the missive*. After 16 days of shelter-in-place, I’ve decided that it’s a lot less painful to believe that people mean the best.
4. Now is a really great time to kick any passive aggressive habits.
As we lean more and more on written communication and adapt all our social learnings to accommodate for a total lack of body language, it’s crucial now to be extremely blunt, but still curate and maintain a miraculous and fine-tuned sense of humor. And if you’ve ever thought, “My goodness, I wish I were a better person, but right now I just don’t have the time,” you’re in luck! Now everyone has the time.
5. Human beings will show up in shocking and horrible ways, but just as often, they’ll surprise you with kindness.
They’ll sing to you from across the street. They’ll buy you groceries. They’ll call you from a different country, long past their bedtime, because they know you’ve been having a rough go of it. They’ll be your quarantine pen-pal. They’ll set up remote board games. They’ll listen to your deepest, darkest secrets, and for the meantime at least, they won’t tell a soul.
I was going to conclude this uncharacteristically soppy article with a favorite quote by E.B. White about holding onto your hat–but no one wears hats anymore, and at this point it just seems like another article of clothing to have to sanitize at the end of the day. I’ll finish up instead by telling this story: a week ago, I was desperately combing the news to try and find a shred of hope. I did eventually find it, but not in the news–all I had to do was open my window and sing across the street.
*Unless rudeness is specified, in which case, go ahead and let out all your COVID-Rage with COVID-Grace.